THE CALL OF THE WILD CALLS OF NATURE
Observant bluffers will have realised that hiking generates the production of a range of bodily fluids, such as perspiration, which occurs when the body generates too much heat, and it’s important to replenish your fluid intake regularly to counteract this. This means water, not alcoholic beverages, which are diuretics.
However, some of what goes in must come out, and at some stage hikers must seek a suitable object to hide behind while they answer what is euphemistically termed ‘a call of nature’. Such an object should be tall enough and thick enough to prevent any unnecessary exposure. It would be an act of charity to point out to companions the necessity to avoid the vicinity of an electric fence or a frond of stinging nettle.
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Should the call of nature involve the bowels rather than the bladder, you must be prepared. This means a plastic bag, some loo roll and a small trowel. Here are some top tips for a successful evacuation:
• Dig a hole at least 15-20cm (six to eight inches) deep and at least 100m (328ft) away from any watercourse, or path.
• When you have finished, place the used loo roll in the hole and burn it – although don’t do this if the surrounding material is highly combustible.
• If soil variations make it impossible to dig such a hole, remove any deposits and tissue, place them in a plastic bag, tie it securely and stash it away discreetly until you find the nearest suitable receptacle.
• Do not eat curry the night before a hike.
Seasoned hikers try to train their bodies to undertake regular bowel movements at a time that is more convenient to them – when they are at a friendly inn, and moments before someone suggests that it’s their round.