Telluride Hiking Trail Map

Silver-threaded Supposedly fights bacteria to prevent unpleasant body odour. The current high price of precious metals means a stranded hiker can also melt it down in an emergency to raise urgent cash, or alternatively, make some nice earrings.

Telluride Hiking Trail Map Photo Gallery

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Bug bouncing Armour-plated defence against dive-bombing beasties in the Highlands.

Anything ending in ‘tex’ At least four times the price you think it should be. If there isn’t already a brand called ‘Dear-tex’, there should be.

If you’re trying to bamboozle enthusiasts or assistants, it’s always a good idea to drop some sort of fabric into the conversation. They usually begin with ‘poly’ and end in ‘lene’, which just leaves you to think up something to go in the middle. Experience suggests that using existing fabric names to fill this gap usually works. You are unlikely to be quizzed in detail about your revolutionary new material because advances in technology mean that new fabrics are launched everyday.

‘Hi, I’m looking for an outer-layer coat made from the new poly-cotton-denim-lene. Do you have any in stock?’

Such a query should cause the shop assistant’s eyes to glaze over briefly as he realises that he should have been paying attention during the staff meeting earlier. Don’t get too cocky, though. The shop assistant will quickly recover from this by eagerly suggesting a different material – which is probably fictitious too. But treasure that brief moment when you had the upper hand.

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